bummer.

i can't sleep so what else would i do except write about what is bothering me. why can't anything ever be easy? why can it not work out in my favor? seriously. of course the boy i'm interested in and just had the best sex  i've had in a long time has to be leaving for afghanistan soon. very soon actually. i thought he had a few months but it turns out that he actually has only a few weeks unless his going away party is way before he's actually leaving which i highly doubt. i'm really bummed out which really blows because i'm starting to actually like this guy but nothing can happen in that short of a period of time. even if it could, it would be insane to start up something with a man who will not be around for awhile. i had so much fun and he's a really awesome guy (or so he seems). for some reason he has this "trance" on me...couldn't think of something better...and i'm infatuated. he was such a darling to me but was it real? is that just how he treats girls? does he just randomly hook up and sweep girls off their feet? so many questions! it just sucks so bad because now i really know that it can't be :'( i'm willing to sacrifice time apart for someone i've gotten to know but someone that i've only hung out with a few times it's really hard to even aim for that. i want to be bluntly honest with him since he's leaving but i would hate to put that kind of pressure on him before he leaves for stress 24/7 in the middle east. that wouldn't be far to him to make him feel bad. i just have no idea what he thinks about me and if i'm even a blip on his radar. i could be over analyzing the shit out of the situation. i just want to kiss him one more time. i want him to hold me one more time. he made me feel better than i have from a man in a long long time. i thought that about others but he's different. i can't help but smile when his name comes to mind. i have to actual urge to shed tears thinking about this whole fucked up situation. i hope that he isn't going to be there for long but the thinking part of me knows better. it's going to be for some time and all i want to do it see him one last time before he leaves. i guess now i know what i'm getting into but at the same time, i know better. i know that i need to just nip this in the bud and cut my losses. i know there are plenty of fish in the sea but it's hard when you have your eye on one fish that has a special touch. i told him that i wanted to hang out and he said for sure so i guess we'll see how serious that my knight in shining armor was about that or if he's just being a typical guy and going to avoid me or w/e. ugh. sucks so bad :(