Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
-Proverbs 4:23
As I am sitting in my bed, on this extremely gloomy day sipping on my coffee that went cold quicker than I would like, I actually feel better than I have in about a week. The anxiety is still there but it is not nearly as bad as it was yesterday and the day before.
The good news is that I have finally met someone who has my attention besides Christopher...finally! The bad new is he is confusing as all hell. His name is Floyd and he's a close friend of Stef's. We'll get to that situation later. We met awhile back but two weeks ago, from today actually, we really hit it off while waiting for the girls to finish up getting ready. I usually don't go over there before we go out since they take way too long to get ready but I needed to get out of my house because I was actually supposed to meet this other guy I used to work with, Tyler, out for a drink. The way he went about us meeting up or hanging out was weird and drove me insane. That's old news though. He is out of the picture. Anyways, about 15 minutes after I arrived at Britt's house Floyd and Stef had just gotten back from dinner. Usually as the girls would get ready I would hang out in Stef's room and chit chat with them while they got ready. I felt bad for Floyd though just hanging out with all these girls so him and I just sat in the kitchen then the living room for almost three hours while they all dicked around. Colleen showed up with no make up on in sweats and a tshirt. I was like you have to be kidding me. Normally I would have gone insane but I was really enjoying the conversations that him and I were having. And it didn't stop there. Once we sat down at Gardellas, it was like him and I then over there were the girls and I was A-OK with that. I turned my phone off and gave Floyd my full attention and he ended up getting my number and asking me out on a date. Needless to say, I was ecstatic. It's been so long since a guy has asked me out on a date. We hung out the next night and the next night. I was spoiled right off the bat. When we went out on Saturday, however, I was super drunk and I blacked out. I felt like an idiot and all day Sunday I was freaking out but ended up talking to him later on. Monday I went over to his house to watch the Michigan game and they lost and he was a total freak about it. I mean I get into sports but my god. That was weird. Now it's been a week and three days since I've seen him. We moved so quickly right away that now that I haven't seen him it's freaking me out and I've had the worst anxiety since. Then on Tuesday, after I had Rachael pick up my close behind the bar and rushed home after work and changed he finally texted me back almost an hour after I got out of work that he was at central for his friends and that he was really sorry. I was on fucking fire. I texted him earlier in the day letting him know when I'd be out of work and he couldn't have the common decency to respond and let me know what he was doing? Like are you kidding me? It was extremely rude. So he gets this one. But I'm most definitely going to take a step back. I got way too invested too quickly and maybe just need to go with the flow and see what he does. If I hear from him great! If not, then fuck him haha jk but really. It wasn't meant to be then. I will be seriously bummed out but I have to experience the pain and heartache to appreciate the good and exciting stuff that is sure to come my way :) it'll happen for me at some point. I just need to be patient...something I am not good at! Ugh lol well the pluses are that he always responds to me and did make the plans with me...he just didn't keep them. Stef told me that if he doesn't want to talk to a girl, he won't so that's good. I even asked if it would be different since I'm friends with her and she said no. So that's good? I just don't want to make excuses for him. I need to be with someone who knows what they have when they have me. I mean I like him a lot and I really want to text him but I know it would be best if I didn't. We shall see what he does over the weekend. If I don't hear from him this weekend I'm going to delete his number and write him off. I can't be pathetic and chase after someone. I deserve to be chased.
