So I can get a tad bit cray cray when I like someone. It's gotten more intense as I've gotten older which is weird. I don't know that I've ever been laid back about crushes but I know that things have become more intense as I've grown older. It's probably because feelings get more intense? I am not sure but I know that I really do like Adam. I can't help but think that the intense feelings I've been having are because I've been alone for so long. Do I just want someone?? I'm pretty good about not just dating someone due to convenience. I don't just date to date. If I wanted a boyfriend, I would have a boyfriend. I want something more. Maybe it's all the romantic comedies that I watch but I'm looking for something magical. Not the movie magical. But the real life passion. I tell myself sometimes that I set my standards too high but at the same time I should! I am a great person (with many flaws) but I bring so many things to the table any man would be lucky to have me. That isn't a bad attitude to have. I am not going to just settle because I'm lonely. As for Adam...get off your ass dude! I have been making an effort and I'm not getting a whole lot back. Meet me half way. I don't mind asking him to hang out or do things but jeez! Ask me to do shit too. You know that I like you. You have a win win situation. It takes all of the pressure off asking me out. I will say yes! It's just all going a lot slower than I would like it to go because I'm super super impatient. Matt even said that it was going to take some time which is fine but not this much time. I'm going home for two weeks on Wednesday and I would really love to have some sort of texting relationship with him because I know I'm going to be thinking about about him. But I just don't see it happening which is fine because I'll be busy with seeing everyone that I want to see and enjoying my time off but still. I would really love to see where this shit is going. I don't want to waste my time.
We hung out just the two of us a week and a half ago and it was amazing. I love that we were able to spend time the two of us without having people around and we talked but of course I also want more. He seems like a great person with baggage which at this point who doesn't have baggage. I know that I have a ton of it. But the overall picture is worth it. He needs to not be so shy. I'm shy too but c'mon. Meet me half way at least. Last Friday we got really drunk and he doesn't remember which was good. He smacked my ass at one point which I don't even remember why. He probably doesn't even remember. Then I got feisty when he gave me a beer. But he gave me the beer he took a sip out of which is fine but of course I had to be like hey can I get a new beer? I mean you did just smack my ass lol I don't mind drinking after him but c'mon man. I deserve a new beer. I want to come off as a girl that doesn't take any shit. The great thing about movinrg to a new place where people don't really know me is I had the opportunity to start somewhat fresh. No one fucks with me at work. Or in general. Which people really didn't before but here it's on a different level. They don't know that I'm really a softie. But I can't let them know that lol
Anyways...I just would really like to know whether or not this crush is going to go somewhere so I don't waste my time. We get along very well and he makes me laugh. And at the end of the day that's all that matters. <3
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Friday, June 13, 2014
reach for the stars, over the fence
Some times I really wish that I didn't get so crazy over men. I get a crush and it consumes my every thought. I can't sleep. I can't eat. Over what? A freaking crush! There isn't even anything going on with Adam and I yet. Like I can barely talk to him unless we're out at Applebee's. Even then, I don't really interact with him much. Want to change that. I'm not mad that he knows I have a crush on him but it's the way he found out, like we are in middle school. Like Michelle really went about it wrong...and talked to him while she was at work! Matt knows as well. Which he's my friend and I don't really care but I do know that he has a big mouth. I just really don't want this to get all over work. I really don't need people getting all up in my business.
Michelle flat out went up to him at work asking if he liked anyone at work then proceeded to say that someone has a crush on him but she couldn't tell him who. And I guess he was like ok? So she gave him a clue-she has the same name as someone else here which I'm basically the only one who shares a name and who it could be. There are two Tiffany's but they both have BFs and there are two Jessica's but both of them have BF's as well. So then it leaves the two Taylor's. The other Taylor is 20 and stupid lol so then that leaves me. He figured it out pretty quick especially because I texted him the other day to come and hang out with us. I guess he asked Matt about me :) which is exciting but I really hate the fact that there are middle men and that Matt is now involved. Not that I don't love Matt, he just doesn't have the best track record with keeping his mouth shut. Anyways, it's a good thing because he's "feeling me" which I hate that that is a term that is used because Michelle said the same thing. I'm glad I talked to Matt though because at least I got more of a concrete answer other than he thinks you're cute. I guess I have this irrational fear that people aren't looking out for me and not going to help me out in the best way. Like what if Matt purposely fucks things up for Adam and I because things didn't work out with us. These are the crazy things that go through my head. It's insane really. Ugh! I really do need to just focus on the good and not the stressful. He likes me. That's good for right now. Just sucks that we are in this limbo area.
At the end of the day though I'm really glad he knows so maybe he can put forth some effort too. We shall see. He's "feeling" me and I'm "feeling" (barf) him. I am going home in three weeks though so that's going to put everything on hold. I'm just hoping we get the chance to hang out before that. Which I'm sure we will. But like actually hang out, not like a group after work thing. I would like to start getting to know him a little better. Patience!!
Michelle flat out went up to him at work asking if he liked anyone at work then proceeded to say that someone has a crush on him but she couldn't tell him who. And I guess he was like ok? So she gave him a clue-she has the same name as someone else here which I'm basically the only one who shares a name and who it could be. There are two Tiffany's but they both have BFs and there are two Jessica's but both of them have BF's as well. So then it leaves the two Taylor's. The other Taylor is 20 and stupid lol so then that leaves me. He figured it out pretty quick especially because I texted him the other day to come and hang out with us. I guess he asked Matt about me :) which is exciting but I really hate the fact that there are middle men and that Matt is now involved. Not that I don't love Matt, he just doesn't have the best track record with keeping his mouth shut. Anyways, it's a good thing because he's "feeling me" which I hate that that is a term that is used because Michelle said the same thing. I'm glad I talked to Matt though because at least I got more of a concrete answer other than he thinks you're cute. I guess I have this irrational fear that people aren't looking out for me and not going to help me out in the best way. Like what if Matt purposely fucks things up for Adam and I because things didn't work out with us. These are the crazy things that go through my head. It's insane really. Ugh! I really do need to just focus on the good and not the stressful. He likes me. That's good for right now. Just sucks that we are in this limbo area.
At the end of the day though I'm really glad he knows so maybe he can put forth some effort too. We shall see. He's "feeling" me and I'm "feeling" (barf) him. I am going home in three weeks though so that's going to put everything on hold. I'm just hoping we get the chance to hang out before that. Which I'm sure we will. But like actually hang out, not like a group after work thing. I would like to start getting to know him a little better. Patience!!
Monday, January 6, 2014
moving on and away...to georgia
this is by far the biggest change in my life that i have ever made. i'm not so sure that i can do it. and i know that i need to keep a more positive attitude so i can have a shot of being successful down here. i should not have slept with zach. don't get me wrong. i had such an amazing night with him and it was the first new years eve that i actually enjoyed myself. more than enjoyed. but now i'm in this position that has me all over the place... why must i get attached like this? is it him? or is it the fact that i am looking for someone and he's giving me a little bit of attention? he's a sweet guy and jordan confirmed that but one i'm in another state now (figures) and two who knows if he would even consider any type of long distance arrangement (or even likes me like that). it does seem that way though. up until yesterday he was texting me every day and at first it was sexy stuff and reminiscing about our wonderful evening together but he hoped that i made it down here safely and talked to me about normal stuff. i may have sent him a few pictures which i honestly should not have done...very stupid but what can i do now. i have nudies of him too not that guys care all that much if they get passed around. ugh why do i allow these things to happen to me?! :( or better yet...why do i do this to myself? now i have feelings for him. possibly anyways. i developed a crush on him the first time i ever met him. i never really saw him much after that not to mention he had a girlfriend.
i guess i want to know one way or another what is going on through his head when it comes to me. does he just think of me as a fling and getting a little something extra afterwards or does he like me? it's going to be the death of me but i feel like i don't really have anyone that i can talk to about it. jordan would tell me that i'm a fucking idiot which she is not far off. casey doesn't really say much about anything. i called dustan earlier but no answer so i'll have to try again tomorrow and see what he says. i know it's not smart and it would cause more problems than good because long distance doesn't work out so i'd eventually move back home. why i'm even thinking about this is absurd. yeah he might be texting me a little bit and flirting but it probably will fizzle out since i won't be able to actually see or hang out with him. i won't be going home until at least april so that's a few months to forget about me...or move on and find someone new. i do this a lot. i just need to find someone else. that'll help me. but for now i'll just have to deal with the anxiety and yearning i have for him. or stay drunk. fuuuuuuuuck. i guess if he said no i don't want anything further with you i would be able to move on and forget about it. but i can't bring that kind of thing up right now without sounding like some sort of psycho. which i can be sometimes. i think i'm just trying to figure my life out and find someone to share my life with. i've been single for too long and i'm ready to have a man in my life. things can never be easy for me can they?
i guess i want to know one way or another what is going on through his head when it comes to me. does he just think of me as a fling and getting a little something extra afterwards or does he like me? it's going to be the death of me but i feel like i don't really have anyone that i can talk to about it. jordan would tell me that i'm a fucking idiot which she is not far off. casey doesn't really say much about anything. i called dustan earlier but no answer so i'll have to try again tomorrow and see what he says. i know it's not smart and it would cause more problems than good because long distance doesn't work out so i'd eventually move back home. why i'm even thinking about this is absurd. yeah he might be texting me a little bit and flirting but it probably will fizzle out since i won't be able to actually see or hang out with him. i won't be going home until at least april so that's a few months to forget about me...or move on and find someone new. i do this a lot. i just need to find someone else. that'll help me. but for now i'll just have to deal with the anxiety and yearning i have for him. or stay drunk. fuuuuuuuuck. i guess if he said no i don't want anything further with you i would be able to move on and forget about it. but i can't bring that kind of thing up right now without sounding like some sort of psycho. which i can be sometimes. i think i'm just trying to figure my life out and find someone to share my life with. i've been single for too long and i'm ready to have a man in my life. things can never be easy for me can they?
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