delusional...?

sometimes i really think that i'm delusional. why do i constantly think about christopher? well maybe no constantly but most definitely on a day to day basis. it was kind of getting better and on it's way out of being constantly on my mind but then he had to go and "like" my picture...oh my how dare he (as i roll my eyes at myself knowing how dumb this sounds). now he's on my radar again. he's never commented or liked anything of mine. ever. and it was a picture of my sister and i. does it mean something? probably not but i will still obsess over it as if it has some subliminal message that i need to figure out because i'm just that crazy. two weeks or so prior, i wrote on his wall and wished him a happy birthday and that actually helped me move on a little bit. is he thinking of me? do i cross his mind at all? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. i'm insane. i honestly don't think i will be moving on in any real way until i see him again. i'm going to run into him somewhere in grand rapids when he gets back. when it will be...no clue. how will i act? will i hold my ground and know i deserve better than the way he treated me. or left me. feeling worthless and stupid. or will i fall for him all over again and forget the past? perhaps a combination of both. i just have this strong feeling that our story is not yet over. hence why i'm either delusional or feeling something i've never felt for someone and knowing there has to be more...it's just half time. everyone is sent into your life for a reason. to help you grow, learn life lessons, get hurt so you know better in the future. i'm supposed to do so much growing in my 20s so i will never regret anything that i've done. i make loads of mistakes but i know i'm growing into an amazing person that will have the life knowledge that i need. so what is going to be the point of christopher in my life? do i have a good intuition or am i a delusional girl who's been obsessing secretly over? never in my life have i felt this way about someone. ever. was it because he was leaving? or was it really him? i mean we had a lot in common, he made me laugh, and he was a sweet guy...for the most part. exception was the night he got black out hammered and was kind of a dick to me. did i just look over that night and not see the signs? he was so sweet at the beginning of the night then trying to pick up another girl right in front of me. idk. i just can't get that smile out of my mind. he's cute but his smile just makes my knees week. ahhhh why?! i guess only tiime will tell...i'll either meet someone or have closure once he's back.