so i've had this blog for over a year now and i have had this notion that i need to change my life. i have the motivation to change things for about 30 seconds then i go back to the same depressing bullshit i call my fun and fabulous single life. i smoke weed every day and i drink way more often than i should. i don't do activities that enrich and add to my life but rather ones that keep me down. by sleeping around i am really not helping my self esteem issues. it actually makes them way worse that is causing problems for my lack of love life. i need to work on myself and self worth before i can date and meet someone and not have things blow up in my pretty little face. i need to learn to have them chase me. i get way too excited at first then i scare them away. but at the same time they are stupid and confusing in their own messed up little way. i honestly have to stop thinking that it's me and that i don't deserve anything. because i do. it will come when i least expect it. it will make me understand why it never worked out with anyone else. but enough about guys. that is not going to be my defining thing. i need to stop obsessing and feeling like i'm less of a person because i don't have a man in my life. yes it would be nice and i do miss it but there are so many other things in my life that i would like to accomplish and change. time to sit back, relax and pursue my own dreams before i even think about giving myself to someone in any type of commitment.
now i say things like this from time to time and nothing ever changes. i keep smoking i keep drinking i keep hooking up. it's all keeping me down. but what can i do? change lifestyles. i need to grow up. i have the summer to have my fun but i'm going to be 24 years old. time to start moving forward with my life.
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