homeownership.

Since now is the time to buy a house, or so everyone and there brother talks about, my sister and I are looking into becoming apart of the world of homeowners. It freaks me out because I'm really not sure how permanent my residence is going to be here in Grand Rapids. There are so many things that go into buying a house, and I've just gotten rid of the stress of school and picking up a new one. I'm really freaking out. It could be because I'm hormonal right now but this is all making my head spin. I think part of it is because of all the help that I'm going to have to receive from my mother. I'm very lucky that I have parents who are so willing to do whatever they can to help me out in any way possible...at the same time, I feel bad asking for help and borrowing that much money. I almost want to put it off for around six months, have some time to be able to get my finances in order then save some money for a down payment and perhaps new things for the house. It's very exciting because it would be something that is ours but this would be a huge responsibility. The monthly mortgage would be around $700 a month which is doable with my sis and I but more than we are used to spending because we are now going to have to worry about taxes and bills...more scary stuff! Plus, I'm so used to the amazing house that I grew up in, my mother's dream house basically and nothing else really compares to that...in our price range anyways. I want so many things but with how young I am and not being in my career quite yet, a dream house is not possible. I am balls deep in credit card debt and it's going to be a hot minute before I am able to pick myself out of it. Dammit! As I've discussed my debt issues with others I feel better. I was talking with a co worker and she laughed when I said that I was embarrassed...she was like really? Like that's the worse thing that you could have right now and let me tell you we've all been there! I guess only the future will tell.

starting anew?

So, now that I am officially done with school, it is like a shift has occurred in my life. I no longer feel like laying in bed all day long and only getting out when I absolutely had to. I have quit smoking cigarettes...going on six days and I don't even have to urge to have one. I haven't bought a bag of pot in over two weeks which has not happened since I tried quitting earlier this year. My alcohol consumption is still as it always is but baby steps. Can't cut all my bad habits out all at once or I probably wouldn't have anything to write about...anything interesting anyway. I am however replacing bad habits with good ones starting tomorrow and I couldn't be more excited about it. Or motivated for that matter. It is so crazy because this is the first time that I've felt that I can do it and succeed. I want to lose 15lbs. As previously mentioned, I never wanted to get out of bed therefore the munchies I had with a combination of the comfort food had no where to go but my ass. And there it set up camp...along with its BFF cellulite. Gross. Now, I'm 5'2 and 135lbs. My weight has been fluctuating for the past few years but I'm ready to focus on maintaining this healthy lifestyle. The only thing that is going to get in the way that I can see right now is my partying because Lord knows I like to party...and I'm good at it.
Anyways enough rambling. My point is that I have just ended this chapter of my life, the past five years, and I'm really not sure what's in store for the future. After graduating from high school I knew I was going onto college. Now that I'm done with college, I have no idea what is going to happen next. I mean obviously I'm going to start a career and hopefully one where I can write but other than that I don't know. Before I knew I was going to Grand Valley and moving to the west side of Michigan. Now? I'm here in Grand Rapids but it's not permanent. So crazy! But for now before I start my professional career, I want to have a little bit of fun. A fun loving free spirited summer romance? I've always wanted to do that. I'm not looking for any of that right now though. I'm way too happy with where my life is headed right now to throw a boy into the mix to throw off my groove.
My week is going to be crazy since I'm working 9 shifts but I hope to be able to keep this diet in check and stick with it. I'm hoping I can drop the weight by the time fourth of july comes around. wish me luck!

assholes.

I'm not sure if it's the recent "moods" that have consumed my life, but I've become increasing more cynical about guys. Let's take my roommate for example (all names have been changed to protect the innocent). Carly has been talking to this guy Nate since September-ish. He is a real piece of...I guess I'll say work for the sake of not stirring up anything in my first blog. He lies. He cheats. He ignores her. She actually walked into his room to him in his boxers and his ex-girlfriend laying on his bed. Now, the story has changed since I originally heard it but I'm pretty sure that I was told she was in her unmentionables too. Seriously? Umm, get out while you still have a chance. Like a smart girl, she let some explicits fly and left. His excuse? Nothing happened, we were just hanging out. I like you. He's not even that cute. I mean, don't get me wrong, he is a fine piece of man, well, I guess before he cut his hair, now he just looks like a typical, slightly overweight frat guy. He's short, too. I'm not one to talk about height but let's be honest, tall guys (mostly) are sexier than shorter guys although there are exceptions to every rule. Anyways, they went on hiatus for about a month then he appeared back in her life which I think is in part my fault. I was drunk and lonely after the bar and called Nate's womanizing roommate Brandon. Not nearly my proudest moment but he knew how to work it. What that has to do with Carly is that Nate appeared around for this week and a half infatuation that I was involved in with Brandon. We didn't last (which it was never meant to) but Carly and Nate somewhat have...ick. He is an asshole.
There is also my Hispanic ex-boyfriend Julio. Word of advice: NEVER shit where you eat. I'm dealing with the aftermath and have been since we broke up in 2010. Unfortunately we work together so I can't just avoid and ignore him like I would prefer. A few months after we broke up, I was hanging out with this guy Matt from work. Nothing serious, no dates, just friendly hanging out. We got drunk one night but nothing happened. Well, Julio freaked out on me at work asking what was up and went behind my back and called my best friend Carrie whom he loathes and my sister Janie. Fast forward to this past fall and he's dating someone we work with...who told him that I was being mean to her...are you kidding me? What the f**k ever. So, tonight they were all over each other. I hate working with them. Maybe I'm being a child and it does bother me that it affects me this much, but when it's shoved in my face, I want to punch them in their vaginas. He is an asshole.
Like I said, I'm not sure if it's been my crappy mood recently but I've been so cynical about men. I'm not sure if it's because of the experiences that I have experienced recently or just being a bitchy woman who can't make up her mind about what she wants but I miss being optimistic and believing there are still "Prince Charming's." Did they all already find their Cinderella's?